


Boston Celtics - Making the Team

by JiniZ



Series: 15 Year Old Me Was An Idiot [15]
Category: Boston Celtics - Fandom, Santa Barbara (sort of)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1872402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiniZ/pseuds/JiniZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just pure fantasy of a short, white girl making the 1985 Boston Celtics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boston Celtics - Making the Team

**Author's Note:**

> Various spellings of Phoenix. Pearl was a guy on Santa Barbara. The female ball player Larry references is Paula Fradkin, a character in the 1983 movie “Blue Skies Again” about a girl trying to make the cut on a minor league team. Yes, I really spelled “practice” like pratice. I had zero clue how someone got drafted onto a team. 
> 
> Boston Celtics  
> Character: Marq Kyle (Julie Ronnie)

He had just gotten back from a west coast tour, and he was a little upset becos they beat the Lakers, and yet lost to 2 weak teams, and he was thrown out of the Phenox game. So, he got settled, and I asked him if anybody on the team knew why they lost to the Suns and the Kings. He didn’t yell, but he got a little irratible. “No. No I don’t, and I don’t think anybody else knows either. Do you?”

“You were sloppy w/the ball –“

“I know that.”

“Let me finish. The reason you were sloppy w/the ball is becos you’re too smug. You think that just becos a team has a really bad record, you can beat them. So you don’t give it 100%. The way you played in Pheinox was not good. I could’ve done better.”

“Well, maybe you can. Come on. Get into a pair of shorts, and meet me on the court.”

So I went and put on a pair of shorts, Celtics T, LB Converse sneakers, and went to the court. “You better give it 100%, babe,” I told him.

“Whatever you say.”

So we played some heavy 1 on 1, and after about an hour non-stop, I was up by 3. So finally, he said, “First one to hit 60 wins.”

“You got it.” I made 60 first. “You didn’t give it 100%,” I scolded.

“Yes I did,” he said. “I gave it my best shot.”

“No you didn’t. I’ve seen you play Cooper, and he’s damn good. You don’t expect me to believe I be you.”

“I don’t care what you believe. You beat me fair and square.”

“Imagine that.”

“You did. I gave it my all. Swear to God. You’re ready for pro. Who tought you how to dunk like Spudd Webb?”

“You can thank Kevin for that.”

“Kevin?”

“Yeah. I’m the one he played ball with until the wee hours of the morning. You could hear the ball bounce for miles in Hibbing Minn.”

“I’ve got a great idea!” He yelled.

“What?”

“How would you feel about joining the Celtics? As a player?”

“You are crazy. How would K.C. allow it?”

“Dress up like a man.”

“What? You’ve gotta be kidding! It would never work.”

“Sure it would. Didn’t you see ‘Her Life As A Man’?”

“Yeah, but it was a movie. I don’t think we could pull it off.”

“Sure we could. We’ll put you in jeans and a t-shirt, a wig and a moustache, and we’ll take you to K.C.”

“I’d do it, but I can find 3 major faults in that theory.”

“Name them.”

“One, two,” I said pointing to my breasts. “And 3, how can I take a shower w/you guys?”

“That could pose a problem.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, how ‘bout this: who was that chick who played major league baseball? Paula somebody-or-other. Doesn’t matter. Anyway, if we can get you dressed in sweats, and can have you play against Bill or Robby, and you do well, and K.C. hires you, you can do what that chick did in ‘Her Life As A Man. I’ll get one of the guys to back you up.”

“Maybe. But I don’t know anything about being a man. Besides, the guys will recognize me.”

“We’ll try it on Kevin, and if it fools him, it’ll fool everybody.”

“Oh, all right. I’ll try it.”

 

So, we spent the next 2 weeks trying to make me more like a man, and helping my game somewhat. One day after work, I went to a hair dresser, gave them a picture of “Pearl,” and had it done. So, I go home to change and get ready for pratice, but it suddenly hit me that I’m gona need a moustache. So, I had to stop to a costume shop to get one. I put it on in the shop, and went home like that. I praticed my walk down main street to a clothing shop. I bought a pair of dress slacks, a t-shirt, wayfarers and a fashion blazer. I put them on, and went home. I wasn’t let in the gate until I peeled off the moustace and took off the glasses. Fooled ‘em. So, I put the moustache back on, in the car, put on the shades, and went inside. I found Larry in the gym playing B.B. “Hey! Larry!” I barked.

He grabbed the ball, turned, stared in disbelief and asked, “Who are you? How did you get in here?”

“Lar, don’t you remember me? It’s your ol’ buddy? It’s me, Pearl. From Buzz’s place.”

“No, I don’t . I don’t know any Pearl. Now you better get out of here before I call security.”

“A 6’9” man is gona call security on a 5’6” woman?”

“Pardon you?” (I got him into saying that.) I took off the shades and moustace. “Marq? Is that you?”

“Yeah. It’s me.”

“Jesus, that’s good. Where’d you get the wig?”

“What wig? This IS my hair.”

“You cut off your beautiful, golden hair?”

He put a hand thru the scruff mop on top of my head. “It’s not golden anymore as you can tell. I had them wash out the dye that was in it. I’m a natural brunette.”

He picked up the thin braid that hung over my right shoulder. “I can’t believe you did this.”

“Well, you said you wanted this to be real looking, and I said ‘Why not?’”

“You could’ve bought a wig.”

“Suppose it fell off during the try-out? Embarrassment.” 

He shook his head, smiled and said, “You really ARE crazy.”

“I know. But maybe I’ll become more sane w/your guidance.” I put my arms around his waist, and he put his arms around my neck.

“Don’t you dare….By the way, I talked to K.C. today. I told him I found a great candidate from…Hofstra? Right?”

“Yeah.”

“I told him you’re here, attending law school. You graduated early, and I saw you working out at the gym, and I offered to play a game. You didn’t know who I am and you accepted. Only after you’d reached 60, did I tell you who I was. I told you I’d talk to K.C. I did, and he wants to see you play. Tomorrow at 10.”

“Are you kidding? At 10? I gotta go to work!”

“Call in sick.”

“I can’t do that. I don’t get sick.”

“Well, you’re gona be sick tomorrow.”

“Okay…I trust you.”

 

So, Larry called in sick for me the next day, and we went to Boston Garden. The only ones who were there were Bill, Kevin, and K.C. When we came in, K.C. took Bird aside and asked, “THIS is your man? That short, scruffy thing?”

“Yep.”

“You mustn’t have played very well.”

“Oh, no, K.C. on the contrary. I played like I was guarding Cooper.”

“You said he could slam dunk it.”

“Like Spudd Webb. He’s only an inch shorter than he is K.C., trust me. He may look like a punk, but he’s a damn fine ball player.”

“You know I’m only doing this becos you said he could play. What’s his name again?”

“Pearl. Got it from shucking oysters. He’s found many-a pearl in them.”

“Does he have a last name?” 

“Yeah. Bates. Kyle Bates.”

K.C. called to Bill and me. (I’d been talking to Bill and Kevin while Larry and K.C. were talking.) “Bill! You and Pearl do some one on one. I wanna see his style.”

So, we did, and I was doing pretty good, concidering Bill is 7’ tall. So, after that, K.C. put me up w/Kevin. “This is gona be tough trying to fool my own brother,” I thought. But hell, I wasn’t doin’ bad w/him either. So after about 10 min of that, K.C. said he wanted to see some individual activities. (You know, 3-pointers, free throws, slam dunks, layups….) So, I did.

“You’re damn good, kid,” K.C. said. “We could use you. I’ll see what I can do.” And he excused himself to make a phone call. 

That left me, Larry, Kevin and Bill to talk. “How tall are you,” Kevin asked.

“5’6”.”

“Who tought you how to slam dunk?” asked Bill looking DOWN at me.

“My brother. He was training to be a basketball player, when he broke his leg. From there on out, he said if he couldn’t play sports, then I’d have to play them for him.”

“Where’d you say ou were from?” Bill asked.

“Long Island. Montauk Point.” (My vacation spot was all I could think of.)

K.C. came back. “Pearl? I’ve talked to the owner, and he said that if I feel it’s right, then do it. When can you sign the contracts?”

“Soon as I can have a pen in my hand.”

“I’ll get ‘em tonight, and you can sign ‘em tomorrow. Can you be here at 12:30?”

“Sure. No problem.”

“Welcome to the team, Pearl,” he said extending a hand. 

“Oh, hey, K.C. You want me to get him a uniform?” Larry asked.

“Yeah, sure. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have contracts to draw up.”

 

“I’ll need a size and #,” Larry said.

“How do you guys go by? Waists or sizes, sizes?”

“Waists.”

“22.”

“Skinny little thing, ain’t he,” Kevin joked.

“You’re not all that fat yourself,” I said.

“Shirt?”

“Small.”

“Number?”

“Um….21. The legal drinking age.”

“We’ll get your name put on it and you can get it tomorrow when you sign the contracts.”

“Thanks. Uh, will that be all?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess so. Congratulations on making the team.”

“Thanx.”

“See ya tomorrow at 12:30.”

“Right.”

So I went back home, via feet. I couldn’t let them see me in Larry’s car.

 

The next day, I went in as myself. I had styled my hair so it looked neater than what it did yesterday. Larry waited outside K.C.’s office as a witness, hidden from view. “K.C.? Have you got a minute?” I asked poking my head into his office.

“Marq? Is that you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well sure. Come on in. I almost didn’t recognize you. You look different w/your hair like that.”

“I know. I thought Larry was gona have a heart attack when he saw it.”

“So, Marq. What can I do for you?”

“I want to talk to you about Pearl.”

“Pearl? Larry told you about him.”

“No. I was there when Larry met him.”

“Well, what about him?”

“He’s damn good. I’m glad to have him on the team. We could use him.”

“As a 6th man, right?”

“Well, he might start a few games.”

“Are women allowed to play in the NBA, K.C.?”

“I don’t know. I could check.” He took out an address book, looked up a #, and dialed. “Yeah, Joe! It’s me, K.C….Good. And you?....Good. Look, Joe, the reason I’m calling is to see if a woman can play in the NBA…No, just curious. A friend wants to know….Oh, really? Okay. Thanks Joe….Right….Okay, bye-bye….Well, he sez there’s nothing against it. It’s never been done, but I guess it could be done. Why?”

“What would you say if I told you that I was – am – Pearl.”

“No,” he said in disbelief. “You don’t want me to believe that YOU are Pearl.”

Larry entered. “That’s right, K.C.,” he said. “This IS Pearl. And she beat me, Kevin, and bill fair and square. You saw her yourself.”

“Listen, if you don’t want me for the team, I understand. You don’t want to take any chances.”

“No, no, no, no, no. You’re good. If we can hire a woman, we will. I don’t want the Lakers getting hold of you.”

“Not a chance of that. I’ve loved the Celtics since I was 15.”

“12 years,” Larry said. I elbowed him in the ribs.

“If you want to sign the contract,” K.C. said, “You still can.”

“I’d be honoured, K.C.” I picked up a pen, but Larry cought my hand.

“What?”

“Before you sign that, make sure you put the right name.”

“Marq Kyle McHale.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. Marq Kyle Bird.”

“Is that a proposal?”

“Yep.”

“Marq Kyle Bird. I like it.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, congratulations, you 2,” K.C. said.

“Thanx,” we said at the same time.

“How would you 2 like to be married right here in Boston Garden?”

“You can do that?” I asked.

“Sure can,” K.C. said. “How about before our next game?”

“That’s tonight,” I said. “There isn’t enough time.”

“I know,” Larry said. “We can have it before we play the Pacers on the 23rd. Then, she can make her debut in the game.”

“That only gives us 3 days!” I said. “There’s so much to be done! People to invite, caterers to call, min – “

Larry put his hand over my mouth. “Talkitive, aint’ she?”

“It’ll be all right,” K.C. said. 

“We’ll save the 1st 2 rows of seats all around the Garden, and the guests can sit there.The reception will be after the game.”

“Here’s an idea,” I said. “How about if we’re married in our uniforms?”

“Yeah,” Larry agreed. “You can have 2 jersey’s on. The 1st one can say ‘McHale,’ & after the exchange of vows, you can take it off, and the one underneath it can say ‘Bird.’”

“Sounds good to me,” I said.

“K.C.,” Larry said, “Will you be my best man?”

“I’d be honoured, Larry.”

“Kevin!” I said. 

“What about him?” Larry asked.

“He’s got to give me away! I’ve gotta talk to him. Oh, jeeze! You guys pratice for the game! I’ve gotta do so many things!” and I left in a rush.

 

The night before the wedding, Julie, Bonnie, Melanie, Lucy, and Betty stayed w/me in Larry’s house, while Larry went to a bachelor party at Kevin’s. Lessee….for something old, I had a 4-leaf clover pendant that was Mom’s, something new was the uniform, something borrowed and blue was a pair of saphire earrings from Bonnie. We had a really great “group discussion” about old times. It was really cool I even had them fitted for uniforms. It was really good.

 

So, the next day before the game, we got married on live T.V. And to really commerate the event, K.C. put me in the starting line up for Ainge who was hurt in the last game. It was really great becos hardly any of the Pacers touched me becos I’m a woman. ‘Course, by the 4th quarter, I had acquired 4 fours, and 1 technical. Me, myself personally was only fouled once. And I landed on my ass then. Bill came to my aide and helped me up. 

We won 117-100. I, myself, had 27 points, 10 rebounds, and 11 assists. K.C. was twice as impressed as he had been when I tried out.

END.


End file.
